Relationships are like gardens. They need care, attention, and the right environment to thrive.
But what happens when the garden starts growing weeds instead of flowers? That’s what a toxic relationship feels like—a place where negativity, control, and imbalance take over. If you’ve found yourself in this situation, don’t worry; you’re not alone.
In this blog, we’ll dive into what makes a relationship toxic, share seven practical ways to handle and fix a toxic relationship, and sprinkle in lessons from famous gurus. Let’s get real and find the tools to transform your situation into something healthier and more positive.
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
A toxic relationship isn’t always full-blown chaos. Sometimes, it’s subtle—a feeling that something’s just… off.
Toxic traits in a relationship creep in through constant criticism, manipulation, lack of respect, or an inability to communicate honestly. It doesn’t have to be romantic; toxic relationships can exist between friends, family, or coworkers.
For example, imagine you have a friend who always dismisses your successes or makes everything about themselves. Over time, their behavior chips away at your self-esteem. Oprah Winfrey once said, “You teach people how to treat you.”
If the relationship is draining instead of uplifting, it’s time to evaluate the situation or think about simply getting out of a toxic relationship!
1. Recognize the Signs
The first step to tackling toxicity is recognizing it. Toxic relationships often involve patterns of negativity. Control, constant pressure, emotional abuse, or one-sided effort are all signs your in a toxic relationship.
Are you walking on eggshells around this person? Do you feel drained after spending time with them?
Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, highlights the “Four Horsemen” of toxic behaviour in a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Identifying these patterns can be eye-opening. For instance, if your partner constantly mocks your ideas, that’s contempt—a huge red flag.
Tip: Keep a journal to note how certain interactions make you feel. Sometimes seeing things written down can help you realize what’s really going on.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are your personal “no trespassing” signs. They’re not about shutting people out but protecting your well-being. Being in a toxic relationship, people often push or ignore boundaries, so it’s up to you to reinforce them.
Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability and relationships, emphasizes the importance of boundaries.
She says, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” If your colleague constantly dumps last-minute tasks on you, it’s okay to say, “I can’t take this on right now.”
Tip: Practice saying “no” without guilt. It’s an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
3. Communicate Effectively
Communication is key. It’s one of the best ways how to fix your toxic relationship.
It’s easy to lash out or shut down in toxic dynamics, but healthy communication can be a game-changer. Sometimes, it’s just misunderstandings. If it’s not one of those toxic manipulative relationships, the other person might not even realize how their behavior affects you.
Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg developed a technique called Nonviolent Communication (NVC). It involves expressing observations, feelings, needs, and requests without blame.
For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me!” try, “I feel unheard when I talk about my day. Can we work on giving each other more attention during conversations?”
Tip: Stay calm and focused on your needs. Remember, communication is about dialogue, not debate.
4. Focus on Self-Care
When getting over a bad relationship, dealing with toxicity, self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. Toxic relationships can drain your energy and impact your mental health, so it’s vital to replenish yourself.
As self-help guru Tony Robbins says, “The only way to change your life is to raise your standards.” Start prioritizing activities that nurture your mind, body, and soul. This could mean joining a yoga class, journaling, or simply taking time to relax with a good book.
Tip: Make a self-care schedule and stick to it. You’re worth the time and effort.
5. Seek Support
How to mend a toxic relationship? Seek expert support.
You don’t have to face a toxic relationship alone. Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, having someone to talk to can provide clarity and comfort. Sometimes, an outside perspective helps you see things you might have overlooked.
Toxic relationship coach Esther Perel often highlights the power of connection in overcoming challenges. She says, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” If you’re struggling, lean on people who uplift you rather than isolate you further.
Tip: Join support groups or online communities where others share similar experiences. Hearing their stories can inspire you to take action.
6. Know When to Let Go
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the relationship can’t be fixed.
Leaving a toxic relationship, letting go, isn’t failure—it’s making space for healthier connections. If the relationship consistently harms your well-being, it might be time to move on.
Think of Jay Shetty’s analogy: “You can’t heal in the same environment that made you sick.” Holding onto toxicity keeps you stuck. Letting go, however hard, can lead to personal growth and freedom.
Tip: Write a goodbye letter (even if you never send it) to process your emotions and gain closure.
7. Focus on Creating Harmony
Avoiding toxic relationships is the best advice in the first place, of course. But if the relationship is worth salvaging, shift your focus to creating harmony. This involves mutual effort, empathy, and a willingness to change. Relationships thrive when both parties commit to growth.
Consider Will Smith’s insight about relationships: “It’s not about making each other happy; it’s about making each other better.”
In fact, all relationships are toxic if stretched to a certain point where one or the other starts feeling suffocated. Collaborate to find solutions, celebrate small victories, and remember why the relationship mattered in the first place.
Tip: Schedule regular “check-ins” with the other person to discuss what’s working and what isn’t. Keeping the lines of communication open builds trust and accountability.
Examples of Transforming Toxicity
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Rebuilding Trust
A couple facing constant arguments decided to try Dr. Gottman’s “5:1 ratio” rule: five positive interactions for every negative one. Over time, this intentional positivity helped repair their bond.
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Family Dynamics
A strained mother-daughter relationship found peace after both attended therapy separately. By addressing their individual wounds, they could approach each other with empathy and understanding.
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Friendship Revival
Two childhood friends lost touch due to unresolved conflicts. After an honest conversation, they set boundaries and rekindled their friendship on healthier terms.
Conclusion: How to Cope With a Toxic Relationship?
Toxic family relationships aren’t a life sentence. They’re a call to action—an opportunity to set boundaries, communicate better, and, most importantly, prioritize yourself. While not all relationships can (or should) be saved, those worth keeping require effort, empathy, and balance.
Remember, as Maya Angelou wisely said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Whether you choose to heal the relationship or walk away, the goal is the same: to create a life filled with love, respect, and harmony. You deserve nothing less.
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